All His Fault? (Itacest, part 1)
by Rt133'sfanfics
Summary: Lovino Vargas had confessed his love to his brother two years ago before he left for Germany, and foolishly ran away before receiving a response. His brother continues to live in Germany, and Lovino figures that he would've been rejected anyway. If you haven't received a positive response from someone after two years, you can probably guess that you've been rejected...right?
1. Chapter 1, Memories

All His Fault (Itacest)

The musty smell of the old train station sat heavily in the stale, unmoving air as one lone person slowly walked inside. Rays of sunlight leaked through the broken windows, shining across the dusty floor and graffiti-covered walls. The steady dripping of water from the ceiling along with footsteps broke the silence of the building. It had been years since the last train had run its course through this station, yet this place still held significant meaning to the man who walked inside.

He looked around, remembering the times he had enjoyed with the person he had come to fall in love with. He pulled at his jacket, playing with a loose thread and trying hard to avoid the tears that would surely appear later, if not now. It had been a risk he had taken, and he only had himself to blame. He sighed, brushing a few strands of his chocolate-colored hair aside so he could move his hand to cover his face. All his fault...  
His name was Lovino Vargas, and he had destroyed it all. In one stupid confession, he had ruined any chance of a relationship with the person he cared about. He wiped away the first of many tears. "Why couldn't I have just kept my damn feelings to myself...?" he mumbled quietly. There was no one there to hear him, but he needed to say _something._

It was this exact date, two years ago, that it had happened. That he had ran away from this exact spot with a broken, confused heart. He was so sure that Feliciano had loved him back, but he had been blind. So, so blind...

"Funny how love does that to people", he thought bitterly; warm, salty tears running down his face. He bit his lip, hard enough to draw blood. To add injury to insult, he had never received a real response to his confession…but he knew what it was. If the person hadn't responded to your confession in two years, you could safely assume that they probably just never wanted to see you again…right?

"D...dammit...Feliciano..." He blubbered, breaking down and sinking to his knees. He sounded absolutely pathetic...but he had been too proud to let it out like this before. He shook his head, watching as his tears fell on the dust-covered brick floor. He wished it could've ended differently. But...it hadn't.

It was a sunny day in Rome, the train station bustling with travelers, families, and couples. The sound and smell of the Locomotives filled the air as Lovino walked with his brother, Feliciano. Feliciano was currently looking for the correct boarding area for his train to Germany in order to visit his friend, Ludwig. Lovino cringed at the thought of Ludwig, but tried to calm down. This was the last hour or so he'd be able to see his brother for a month, he could at least avoid being grumpy. He'd have plenty of time for that when he was alone. It wasn't like he was eager to get rid of Feliciano for a month...especially since over the last few months, he had started to develop feelings for him, despite the fact they were brothers. It certainly seemed as though Feliciano liked him back, always hugging him or finding time to do something nice. He was the only one Lovino "softened up" for, and with good reason. He couldn't seem to get his brother out of his mind, and it drove him nuts that he couldn't (at the very least) kiss the person he loved...He should confess soon, now that he thought about it...

"Fratellone...? Is this the correct one...?" Feliciano said, snapping Lovino out of his thoughts.

"Uh...I think so..." Lovino said, feeling his heart beat faster. Maybe right before Feliciano would get on the train...yeah, that was a good idea. Then he could at least smile whenever he thought of Feliciano and how they shared the same feelings for each other. He'd eagerly await Feliciano's return, then when he arrived, they could go back to the house they lived in together and share kisses and-

"Fratello...?" Feliciano said, giving his older brother a strange look. He'd been acting incredibly weird lately; it was almost if-...no. It couldn't be. They were brothers, Lovino couldn't feel that way.

"Um...mi dispiace..." Lovino said sheepishly, his heart picking up pace as they moved towards the train. "This...this is it..." he thought, becoming more nervous by the second.

"Fratellone...are you sure you're ok...? You look a bit sick..." Feliciano asked, concerned.

"That's because I'm love sick, dammit..." Lovino thought, biting his lip as Feliciano raised a hand to his forehead to make sure he wasn't overheated. "Uh...I have something to tell you, fratellino..." he said nervously, gently removing his brother's hand from his forehead.

Feliciano cocked his head to one side and looked at him, confused. "What is it, Lovino...?" he asked.

Lovino was about to go into a nervous breakdown, for crying out loud... "Uh...I just wanted to say, b...before you go...that...um...ti amo, Feliciano..." he said, leaning down and planting a kiss on his brother's lips.

...

It had been about 5 seconds

….

Feliciano wasn't kissing back.

...

Feliciano pulled away in alarm, eyes wide. "L...Lovino...this is...I can't..." he mumbled, backing away a bit.

Lovino turned red, mortified. Maybe he'd made the assumption too quickly, but as soon as he saw his brother back away, he knew that he'd been wrong. So, so wrong. "Mi dispiace..." he said quickly, shaking his head and running the opposite way. He'd been a fool, a damn fool...

...

So this was where he was. Platform number 7, where he had run away with a broken heart. He cursed in Italian under his breath. Ever since that day when Feliciano had left for Germany, he hadn't seen him again. Feliciano never called or tried to get in contact with him…..heck, the day he was supposed to come back, Lovino had waited nervously outside the train. He wasn't on…..he had waited for the very last damn person, and had asked every person who passed by him…no one had seen a cheery Italian male with a curl off the right side of his head. He was worried sick. No, really, he had to run into the (terrible) bathrooms at the station and be sick. He hadn't just lost his love, he had lost his brother. And being the protective brother he was, he wanted to find him. So, after being sick, he did what any other person would do. He called Germany. He found out that Feliciano was still there and would be there for quite a bit of time. But, Lovino still carried that hope that someday Feliciano would come back and walk into their house, smiling, and say, "Ciao, Fratellone! I'm back!"

…..

Then the train station closed.

.….

That was why, after waiting 2 damn years, he had finally gained the courage to book a flight to Germany. Tomorrow was the set date for the flight. And here he was, moping around an abandoned train station. Great.

He picked himself up from the dusty floor to go back. Truthfully, he was nervous about tomorrow. Many things could happen, or many things could...not happen. He wiped the last few tears from his eyes with one sleeve, and stepped out of the abandoned station. He entered his car and started it, filled with newfound determination. He started driving back to his house. He had a flight to pack for, and a brother to retrieve.


	2. Chapter 2, Traveling

Lovino trudged through the rain and puddles towards the airport in front of him, stopping for a second in order to try and calm himself down. "It's ok, Lovino…it's only your brother and the potato-bastard…." he told himself nervously, gripping the rolling suitcase in his hand. Truthfully, he felt terrible. Where exactly had all the determination he had felt the day before gone…? He couldn't even plaster on his normal "I'm annoyed, go away" face in lieu of an extremely worried, confused one. To top it off, people were going to think he'd gone insane the way he was mumbling to himself every now and then. Great. He might as well be insane, the way he felt….

He swallowed, taking a printable map out of his pocket. He'd slept terribly the night before, and had highlighted the way to his boarding area in the morning. He knew he'd be tired, but had severely underestimated exactly how nervous he'd be. He bit down on his lip, reopening the area he had bit it the day before and again tasting metallic blood. "Dammit, Feliciano….why couldn't you have just come home the day you were supposed to come back…?" he muttered regretfully under his breath, a tinge of sadness in his voice. He spotted a few travelers around him (probably Americans) that were starting to give him strange looks. "Yup….I've gone insane….now turn around and mind your own damn business." He thought, glaring at those who had the nerve to flash him a look. At least it had distracted him from his nerves.

He checked in his luggage at the correct spot, and eventually found the boarding area for the flight. He sat down nervously in a seat, deciding to pull out his phone to pass the time. He'd gotten a text. Surprise, surprise….It was from the potato-bastard himself. He frowned. Normally, he would've just deleted the message, but ever since the day the train station had shut down, he'd been replying to every single message the German man sent. It was the only way to (at least) know where his brother was and how he was doing in that "potato-infested country". He sighed and clicked on the message.

* * *

From: Ludwig Received: 11:29 AM

Hallo, Lovino. Today's the day you're coming to visit, ja? I still haven't told your bruder, as requested.

* * *

Good. If Feliciano knew that he was coming, he might try to run somewhere else. Then Lovino would find him in Switzerland or some other random country…..that could be dangerous for the younger Italian. And if Lovino ever heard that Feliciano had been shot or injured….well, let's not talk about that.

He texted back.

* * *

[Reply] Sent: 11:34 AM

Si, today is the day. Good. Don't tell him. I don't want him to know, idiota.

* * *

The message barely had time to send before it was time to board the plane. The flight would leave at 11:50. Lovino felt sick, and tried to calm his over-stressed nerves as he got on and sat in his designated seat. He had gotten a window seat, lucky him. He watched as the wind picked up outside, and he tried even harder to calm himself down. Damn the fact that he was a country….sometimes it even affected the weather. This was going to be a rough flight, if it wasn't cancelled.

A younger man, (perhaps a Sicilian) with dark hair similar to his own, sat next to him with a (really pretty) woman. She had thick, dark, curly hair and a beautiful smile. "His girlfriend?" Lovino guessed, before a ring caught his eye. "Oh…" he thought, turning away from the two and looking out the window. A small smile crept onto his face, in spite of his situation. They looked so happy…and it was nice to see others who had found love, even if he hadn't. As a result, the wind started to die down, and the signal was given for everyone to start buckling their seatbelts. Lovino tried to stay calm (for the sake of the flight), and prepared for the takeoff.

….…..

The plane landed in Germany around 2:45 PM.

..….

Ludwig was at the airport, waiting to pick Lovino up. He had told Feliciano that he was at the supermarket, which would seem suspicious after a while. But it was the only thing he could come up with when Feliciano had run up to him, wanting to know where he was going. He wondered why Lovino hadn't wanted him to tell Feliciano about his visit….although, the few times he had even briefly mentioned the older Italian around the younger, Feliciano had noticeably stiffened and immediately changed the topic. Perhaps something had happened between the two…? He'd never had the heart to ask him about it….he could tell as soon as he asked, Feliciano would burst out into tears. As it was, some days he could hear Feliciano sobbing his heart out up in the upper-level room that had become his bedroom. He never asked why, because as soon as he came down the stairs, it was as though nothing had happened. His eyes were never red, his cheeks never tear-stained…..it was a mystery with that boy.

Ludwig watched the passengers get off the plane, keeping an eye out for a certain hot-headed Italian. He was one of the last to get out, almost as if he didn't want to. When Ludwig saw the familiar curl gently bobbing up and down, he yelled out Lovino's name. Lovino turned and glared at him, although Ludwig saw something else in that heated glare of his. Was he…scared?

…

Lovino started towards the German, not knowing if he could keep up his "I hate you" facade in this state. "Damn German…coming to pick me up…." He thought, although he just didn't feel as much hatred for this man as usual. He was exhausted from lack of sleep and stressing out so much….that must be why. His head pounded from the varying pressure changes. He really needed some sleep…..

"Hallo, Lovino." Ludwig said, showing no positive or negative feelings towards the older Italian.

"How's mio fratellino?" was his response.

After the German confirmed that his brother was alright, Lovino followed Ludwig to the area where he could grab his suitcase. Ludwig even offered to carry it for him. "I…uh….si." Lovino replied sleepily, too tired to care. His nerves had calmed down now that he was exhausted, and you could bet as soon as he got into the German's Volkswagen that he was going to fall into a deep sleep.

…..

Ludwig led Lovino to his car, finding the Italian to be much nicer when about to fall over from sleep deprivation. As soon as he buckled his seat belt, he decided to ask Lovino about what had happened between his brother and him. "Ah…Lovino-"he said, stopping when he turned to see that the Italian was already fast asleep. Lovino was much nicer when he was asleep (and wasn't yelling at him), so he wasn't about to wake him. He looked incredibly peaceful, and Ludwig could bet that even if he had tried, he wouldn't have been able to wake him up. He smiled to himself, and began to drive back to the house.


	3. Chapter 3, Encounter

/*A little note from the Author* Hey everyone! ^^; Sorry it took so long to do this, I had the hardest time writing this chapter. Partially because I wasn't sure how I wanted to continue, partially because I kept re-writing it, and partially because I am a procrastinating perfectionist…. So here's the finished chapter 3, hope you all enjoy-! (And don't kill me because I took a long time on it sorry sorry OTL- and it's kind of a short chapter, too- ;w; I'm going to conclude it, this is not the end!)/

It was a perfectly clear, sunny day as Ludwig drove along, accompanied by a snoring Southern Italian in the seat next to him. Ludwig pulled into another roundabout, drawing closer to his home. Luckily, it had been a short drive back, so perhaps Feliciano wouldn't suspect where he'd actually been (at the airport, picking up Lovino). He pulled onto a different street and hit a bump in the road, causing Lovino's eyes to pop open.

"Wh...What the hell was that?!" Lovino said, snapping awake.

"Don't freak out, it was just a bump in the road…" Ludwig said reassuringly, doing all he could to avoid starting a feud with the Italian. Maybe now that he'd gotten some sleep, he'd act like normal.

Lovino muttered something under his breath, probably some random insult in his native language. Ludwig was used to it by now, so he just bit his lip and continued driving. He noticed some movement from the seat next to him, and looked over to find Lovino stretching.

"What the hell are you looking at, potato-eater…?" Lovino snapped, glaring at him.

Yup. Definitely back to normal.

Lovino watched as Ludwig pulled his car into the driveway of the Germanic-styled house. It was interesting, the architecture in this country. Not like his wasn't better…! It was just…..different. It kept his mind off the other matter at hand, which was inside that house. Feliciano.

He bit his lip and tried to calm himself down. There had to be a wicked storm in the Southern half of Italy, the way he was feeling. Yet it was a calm day in Germany. For a second it made it feel like maybe, just maybe, this was a dream. That he was at home, taking a nap on his bed, maybe even lying on top of the covers because of the hot, humid weather…. Just a dream….

But no. He was here, and here just happened to be a time where the future events could either make him feel as though he was the happiest person alive, or (metaphorically speaking) destroy him. There was no 'in between', at least not to Lovino.

He took a deep breath, momentarily forgetting Ludwig and pushing open the car door. Little did he know that right about now, a certain Northern Italian was watching from the window, his eyes wide.

Feliciano hadn't known what he was expecting when the passenger's door opened from Ludwig's car, but it certainly wasn't this. His brother…? After so long…? Truthfully, once his brother had begun calling Ludwig regularly to make sure he was ok, he was convinced that Lovino couldn't possibly love him anymore. It felt bittersweet, thinking that, especially when he was just beginning to have feelings for him. But to him, Love was a fleeting feeling; Lovino couldn't possibly have kept these feelings for him this long. He'd probably have fallen in love with someone else by now. Maybe Lovino was coming to say sorry for that day when he'd confessed because he'd seemed so freaked out. Maybe he was coming to simply check up on him, and leave as quickly as he could. It seemed liable; his brother wouldn't be in Germany for more than he needed. There was, however, that hope that he had come for other reasons. But Feliciano wouldn't let himself think that, oh no. Better to get what you're expecting than to be disappointed.

He pulled away from the window and slowly walked towards the door, feeling an interesting mix of love and sorrow that he'd never felt before. He wondered if he should act surprised….perhaps if he ran off now, he could lock himself in his bedroom and pretend as though he wasn't there. The sound of the door creaking open shattered his thoughts.

Too late.

An awkward silence presented itself as Lovino walked in, and time seemed to come to a stop. Feliciano felt like a deer in the headlights, not quite sure if he should face his brother, or run and lock himself in the bedroom.

He gulped. He was here, and now was not the time for cowardice. He needed to face his brother.

They just stood there for a few moments, Lovino looking quite nervous and apologetic, and Feliciano almost looking...was that afraid...? But all at once the silence was broken when Lovino immediately hugged his brother, praying to god that he would hug back.

...

It had been a few seconds now.

...

Lovino was starting to panic.

...

Sure, it was just a simple hug, but it meant so much more than that...maybe Feliciano really did hate him, it'd certainly make sense, figuring that he'd left him at that train station so long ago.

Lovino pulled away robotically, tears dripping down his face. He refused to look back up at Feliciano, feeling utterly ashamed. H..he'd come out here for nothing, he must be some idiot, thinking that Feliciano would forgive him, he...

...

And then it happened.

...

He'd been embraced by a crying Northern Italian.

Lovino's tears of embarassment turned to tears of joy as his precious little brother hugged him back. He held him tightly, protectively, until his brother pulled away, looking down.

"Fratellone...I...I'm really sorry...I'm a coward, really..." Feliciano stammered, absolutely bawling his eyes out and looking down. All the guilt that he'd trapped inside himself was finally able to come out, and it came out in the form of tears and stammered apologies. "I'm sorry..."

"It's alright, fratellino...it's ok..." Lovino said softly, feeling absolutely relieved. He didn't hate him...? It wasn't even awkward for him to hug him, even though he had admitted to loving him...?

At this point, Lovino didn't want it to matter. He had his brother back.


End file.
